Wednesday, 14 September 2011 10:44
We are absolutely thrilled to have Avi Nathman, whose passionate fight against gender stereotyping had won her our utmost admiration. And since we are all about Cool, she is examining this elusive substance in her guest post for Boys Be Cool.
Every other sentence that comes out of our 4.5 year old’s mouth lately includes the word cool. Certain toys, shows and books are all cool according to him, and those are the ones he tends to gravitate toward. His interest in them doesn’t always last for long, and sometimes, only days later, other toys, shows, and books become “cool.”
“This TV show is so cool!”
“Wow! This is the coolest book ever!”
“Having waffles for dinner is such a cool idea!”
“That shirt looks really cool on you!”
Mostly, it’s not so bad - especially when it’s couched in a compliment directed at me. Usually I smile and nod, offering a thanks if appropriate.
Other times, however? The whole concept of cool sort of sucks.
“Oh, purple isn’t a cool color. My friend said so.”
My normally cheerful guy will then sadly put back a favorite t-shirt, remembering something a friend said.
And my heart breaks just a little.
After watching him toss yet another outfit choice back into the dresser, I decided that we needed to put a new spin on “cool.”
“Do you know what I think is cool?” I asked.
“What?”
“I think it’s cool when you choose something because you like it. It’s really cool when you pick something you like and are proud of it. That’s the coolest.”
I gave my son some examples. I reminded him how happy he gets when he wears his “cool” striped overalls, but that not everyone wears the same ones. We talked about how I don’t really think his sparkly pink Pegasus is all that cool (you wouldn’t either if you saw the amount of glitter it tracks in its wake!), but that’s okay, because he think it’s the coolest toy ever.
The more we talked about it, the more it seemed to sink in, and I hoped that he had really taken my message to heart. Then, few days ago I overhead him talking to a neighbor who was saying that pirates only wear red and black because those are the cool colors (the boy speaking happened to be wearing both red and black). My son, who had on a yellow shirt, turned to him and said, “Well, actually, yellow is cool too, and my pirate wears yellow!”
I walked away, happy that I didn’t have to intervene and proud that my son stood up for himself and his preferences.
However, I’m positive this won’t be the last time we’ll talk about it, and that’s okay. And we’ll keep talking about it, because I’m sure remembering the true definition of “cool” will only get harder the older he gets.
Avital Norman Nathman is a play-at-home mama, freelance writer, wife & feminist (and not necessarily in that order!). When not searching for the perfect cup of Chai or creating masterpieces out of chalk with her son, she's usually musing about motherhood and feminism over at The Mamafesto.
